Dark Presence by John Seery-Lester
This depiction of a mountain gorilla created by Seery-Lester in 1995 with oil on canvas is aptly named. A figure larger than life dominates the frame while simultaneously blending into the background of his surroundings. This painting caught my eye for the rich texture and imagery created in a palette that feels more monochrome than colorful. Also my ankle was starting to hurt and it was directly across from a bench so it seemed as good a painting as any to consider.
The mostly grayish black hue is rounded out with a desaturated green tone and sepia washes that shine silvery from the top of the gorilla’s head and prominent brow and warms to a ruddy pink as it cascades down the chest and stomach to foliage below. It’s as if he rests beneath the space created by tree crowns that grow closely together without ever touching. Some light shines down onto the brush to his left and his left forearm but most of his sits shrouded in shadow.
(Check out Gorillas in the Mist 1988 with Sigourney Weaver)
The description accompanying the painting opens with the consequence of looking a mountain gorilla directly in the eye: you become a challenger, enemy, and threat to the family. Direct eye contact makes the male silverback uncomfortable and insecure. Rather than charging to fight this gorilla seems to face away from the viewer. It is only with closer inspection into the shadow cast by his brow that you see he is looking directly at you. He is reclined and hands rest on his shin and knee.
This reminds me of the differences between being observed and being seen at a closer level. Surely this figure takes up enough space to be noticeable. His stance with wide and unapologetically imposing giving you ample opportunity to see him at home with his environment. Even gazing upon his face, his mouth extends the furthest, then his brow casting out the light that might shine into his eyes. Surely, to recognize his strength and seek his eyes in spite of their concealment, you must be a challenger.
I feel larger than life sometimes. Whether I am dancing or singing loudly or wearing brightly colored clothes, I persistently stand out. Even when I am quiet and relaxed and hoping to blend into the environment, people notice me. Difficulty making eye contact is a trait associated with autism and I wonder if it’s for the same reason as the silverback gorilla? That being seen so intimately is threatening. A reminder that I can’t disappear into the world around me. That you might engage me and challenge my delicate grip on my senses, the order in which I’ve put the things around me. Believe that your way, your efforts, would be better for me and my family than my own. No, you can’t understand the choices that I’ve had to make, the strength I’ve had to use, the challenges I’ve over come. You can’t carry these burdens for me and you can’t make me leave the space that I’ve made for myself here. So feel free to look upon me and see me, but don’t look me in my eyes. I just want to feel safe and I will defend my safety with my life.
